Monday, April 7, 2008

Carry Each Other's Burdens

I have finally discovered just how I ended up in that pit.  After the loss of our son, the grief I was experiencing became too much for me to bear. On my own.  And instead of turning to my friends who love me dearly, I subconsciously began pushing everyone away.  It started very subtly, for you know the enemy is crafty, but before very long I had cut myself off from the pain so completely, I found that I had shut off more than my feelings of grief, I had shut off all of my emotions entirely.  I could find no true joy or peace.  I didn't enjoy being with friends or family. I had hardened my heart to God, in order to "protect" myself from the pain.  

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 

Boy, He sure knows how to speak right to my heart.  I am humbled and honored that He would love me. Thank You, Father, for the gift of the Scriptures. Please remind me to turn to them when I am lost. And when I am found. 

Upon further reflection of last night's posts, I find myself turning to Galatians 6 for a little reminder. 

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently...Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 

I thank our Father for giving me the gift of spiritual partners who walk with me daily.  Even when I am choosing to push them away.  My girls knew something was wrong and they gently restored me by reminding me they had always been with me and that I was not alone.  The love I have for you is deeper than you could ever know this side of Heaven. Thank you, friends.


Monica said...

Oh Amber I just wanted to say that understand what you wrote about grieving for your baby that should have been joining you soon. Somewhere on my blog I wrote about how the miscarriage I had is what opened my eyes to the big family that I really wanted to have. I still always think about that baby especially on the dates that were important for that little one like miscarriage date and day the baby was due. Those babies that we only have with us for a short time sure make BIG impacts on our lives. I know that is God's plan even tho it is so hard to accept. Wishing you well as you get through the next few months.... and get ready to submit your dossier! That is going to be a HAPPY day. Looks like you'll zoom right past us in the fast lane! But that's okay.
All in God's PERFECT timing.

Lori said...

Though I can't even begin to imagine the heartbreak of losing a child, I totally know how it feels to pull away from everyone, even God, when you lose someone dear to your heart. Thursday is the 5 year anniversary of the day God brought my mother home to Him, and though I certainly can't understand His reasonings, I can say that I was VERY angry for a long time. I pulled away from EVERYONE. And to this day, I still wonder when my heart is going to stop hurting. My arms are wrapped around you right now and you are lifted in prayer.

And I can't lie, I AM jealous (but happy for you!) of how fast things are going for you! Guess your little girl just needs you more right now!

Jennifer said...

So happy to hear about the progress thus far! We will continue to pray about this journey and we look forward to her Homecoming!